


Plant Your Own Garden

by thisiswherethefishlives



Series: Comes The Dawn: Tattoo AU [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: FitzMack - Freeform, Flowers, Getting Together, M/M, Tattoos, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisiswherethefishlives/pseuds/thisiswherethefishlives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's certain that he's not the most obvious poster-child for tattoos, but his life hasn't exactly gone according to plan. The cluster fuck that is his life is what brought him here. Each sweep of the tattoo gun bringing him relief even as he hisses in pain.</p>
<p>It had all started as a way for him to get a small measure of control back in his life. </p>
<p>Perhaps that's not quite right. It probably started in his mother's garden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plant Your Own Garden

**Author's Note:**

  * For [respoftw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/gifts).



_It's not that he doesn't want anyone to know... it's just much more personal than he had ever expected._

_You see people walking around with their tattoos for all to see every day. Like it's nothing. Yet here he is, wearing long sleeves in the middle of Summer to avoid his co-workers - his friends - from seeing._

_It's certain that he's not the most obvious poster-child for tattoos, but his life hasn't exactly gone according to plan. The cluster fuck that is his life is what brought him here. Each sweep of the tattoo gun bringing him relief even as he hisses in pain._

_It had all started as a way for him to get a small measure of control back in his life._

_Perhaps that's not quite right. It probably started in his mother's garden._

* * *

 

"Hey, Simmons. Have you noticed anything off with Fitz lately?"

He had been going for casual, but the look that she shoots him makes it clear that he's anything but.

"I don't know why you're asking _me_ , Mack. Aren't you supposed to be his new best friend these days?"

Turning back to her work, she slides on her protective goggles before fiddling around with a wickedly sharp scalpel, and it would seem that the conversation is over. At least it would be with anyone else, but as awkward as it had been between the two of them, Mack knows that she'll always be there if Fitz needs her.

"Look, I know that you two still haven't worked everything out, and I know that you probably aren't happy that he decided to come work with me in the Garage... I know that you're not happy with _me_ , but I really think that something's wrong with him."

Giving up all pretenses, Simmons lays her equipment back down before turning to face him.

"I... I noticed that he's been flinching away from people."

"Yeah, me too. It started after the temple, and at first I thought that it was just me. I thought that after I attacked you all that he would be wary of me, but if that's what's going on it doesn't explain him flinching away from Bobbi, or Coulson, or pretty much everyone else on the team."

"He knows that you weren't yourself, that you would never hurt him under your right mind. You can't hold it against yourself, Mack. I'm sure that _he_ doesn't."

It's probably the nicest thing that Simmons has ever said to him, and it's moments like this when he can see past the chilly front that she puts on just for him that he can understand why Fitz fell in love with her. Simmons is smart, beautiful, pretty much telepathically linked to Fitz if Skye could be believed, and she has a good heart. She would be perfect for Fitz. She could _have_ Fitz if she wanted, and it kills him because he would give anything to have that same claim.

"Yeah. You might be right, but I hold it against myself. If anything had happened to him... look, just do me a favor and keep an eye out for him. Hopefully we're making something out of nothing."

Turning away from her with a small, strained smile, he heads out of the Lab.

* * *

_Growing up, his mum kept a garden. It wasn't like the meticulously groomed gardens that their neighbors maintained with coordinating colors organized to perfection. No, it was a riotous burst of colors and textures, and he knew them all by name._

_She had made it a game. Something of a challenge. How many of the flowers could he name? What were their properties? Could they be used medicinally, or would they be better put to use in perfumes? What was the meaning behind that flower - would you give it to a loved one or an enemy?_

_It became an obsession, and he would spend hours by her side as she tended to the flowers, pouring out facts like a faucet until it was time to get scrubbed up for tea. His happiest memories of childhood were in that garden. He's never seen one quite like it since the relocation to the States. Everything is structured, well maintained, and it reminds him of everything that he's lost._

_It's with this thought that he schedules his first sitting._

* * *

"Hey, Turbo. Is everything okay?"

Mack pretends not to notice how his shoulders stiffen at the question, focusing on the engine in front of him instead. It takes a while for Fitz to respond, but Mack doesn't mind waiting for him. Never has, really - some people are worth waiting for.

"Nope. Everything's dandy. You know, aside from Skye being babysat 24/7 in case she levels the entire facility accidentally, and the fact that Trip is dead and no one will talk about it. There's also the fact that Hydra's still out there and we are living in constant danger. So, you know. Just your average Monday."

It's a light-hearted tone that he uses, but Fitz is right. They have all been weighed down by the stress and madness that comes with the title of S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent. Once again, he tries to move past his concern for Fitz, but it's always there, niggling at the back of his mind. There are a hundred reasons for Fitz to be frustrated, or angry, or scared... but it still feels off. Reaching back for a shammy, Mack wipes off his hands before peeling off his over-shirt.

"Fair enough. Just thought I would ask, you've been a little jumpier than usual."

Fitz doesn't respond so much as snort in his direction as he turns back to his tablet. It's been nice working in the close quarters of the Garage together. It sometimes feels like they have been working together for years, have been friends for longer, because even though Fitz still has problems finding his words he has never had a problem understanding Mack. He likes to think that he doesn't do so bad at understanding Fitz in return, but it could just be wishful thinking. From the stories that Trip had told him before, he'll never be as close to Fitz as Simmons had been.

He gets lost in the manual labor of re-installing the refurbished engine, swept up in the burn that every lift of the machinery leaves in his muscles. He can feel the sweat beading down the back of his neck, but what really distracts him is the weight of Fitz's hand on his shoulder as it sweeps lower down his back.

"For someone concerned about me, you seem - uh, you're tense."

Shrugging, Mack can't help but smile at Fitz's concern and the casual way that he touches him. It feels good to have Fitz's attention on him. Finishing up with the van, he makes quick work of cleaning up before grabbing his shirt from where he tossed it earlier.

"C'mon, Turbo. Let's go get some dinner. My treat."

"It's easy to say that when Koenig keeps us stocked with enough frozen meals to survive a nuclear Winter."

"Oh, hush. Did you - or did you not - tell me that I'm the only one that manages to heat the lasagna perfectly to your liking? That, my friend, is a skill that you don't turn your nose up at."

Fitz laughs easily at that, and it feels good. Without thinking twice, Mack wraps an arm around Fitz's shoulders to pull him in as they walk. Suddenly Fitz is wincing and hissing like he's in pain. Dropping his arm immediately, Mack feels the cold tendrils of fear crawl up his spine at the thought that he's hurt Fitz in any way. It's too much like when he was under the influence of the temple.

"What's wrong? Are... are you okay? Did I do something?"

Shaking his head, Fitz backs away from him like he's afraid Mack will bite, and it hurts. It's painful to watch as Fitz mumbles something about having plans before he's darting away down the hall.

* * *

_He spends a lot of time considering just what he wants inked into his skin. Does he want the bursts of color that would remind him of home? Perhaps it would be better to go with some vintage-styled lithographs instead. In the end, he spends a lot of time on Pinterest until he comes across the design he wants._

_Instead of color, he's drawn to the idea of simple black outlines of flowers. It would be stark against his pale skin, and there's something comforting about the idea of everything being black and white for once in his life._

_At the first sitting they manage to get his left arm done. It hurts like a bitch, makes him wary of anything but the softest of shirts for awhile after, but it feels like he's reclaiming his skin. Inked across his flesh are the flowers of his youth._

_Each flower tells a story. For example, he has worked in peonies whenever he can for the good fortune and healing that they represent. It's a quiet prayer for the future._

_The daffodil is for Simmons - for forgiveness, and unrequited love, and new beginnings. There's a sprig of forget-me-nots for Trip. May's flower is a snap dragon in rampant glory, expressing her strength and her proclivity for deception._

_Every flower has a meaning, and each one is tied to his teammates. These people have become his family, and they are every bit as colorful and vibrant and crazy as his mum's garden._

_It's fitting._

* * *

Mack hears the pacing in front of his door. It's pretty obnoxious, but he's about ninety percent sure that he knows who it is. So, he waits for the knock. It comes, eventually, but he knows that he made the right call in waiting when the door opens to reveal Fitz looking small and guilty.

They don't say anything for a long moment, just looking at each other until Mack can't help but chuckle under his breath over how ridiculous they are being.

"C'mon in, Turbo. I was about to have a beer, you want one?"

The ambiguous shrug that Fitz sends his way has him pulling a second beer from the mini-fridge, tossing it his way before taking a seat on the bed. He nods towards the desk chair, quirking an eyebrow at Fitz until he takes the hint and sits down.

It's awkward, more awkward than it's been in months... and that's taking into account the return of Simmons and the brief period of time where Mack was possessed. He wants to say something, to crack a joke or relate the most recent drama between Hunter and Bobbi, but Fitz came to him for a reason. Mack settles for taking a long pull from his bottle, focusing on the way the beer slides down his throat instead of the way that Fitz watches him from the desk.

"I wanted to apologize. For earlier. I shouldn't have run."

Fitz looks like he's withdrawing into himself with each word and it's painful to watch.

"Look, Fitz. If you don't want me touching you anymore, all you have to do is say so. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. I mean, we're friends, right? So... you should feel safe being near me, and I get it if you aren't anymore after what happened."

There's more that he wants to say. More that he wants to apologize for, and he would if it weren't for Fitz moving to stand up, head shaking frantically the entire time.

"No! No, no, no. I- I _like_ it when you touch me... I like being in your space, and I like being near you. It's not _you_."

"You know, Turbo, I've gotten the 'it's not you, it's me' speech before, but this is the first time that a friend has given it to me."

It was supposed to be a joke, but Fitz's face falls ever so slightly before smoothing out into something determined and just utterly Fitz. He closes the distance between them in two long strides, dipping down to press a soft kiss to Mack's lips. It's just the most delicate of touches, barely there, and it feels like a dream because Fitz had never before indicated...

"I like you. There's no excuse, nothing to hide behind. I like you, and I want to kiss you all the time, and you're terribly important to me. I need you to believe that what happened today wasn't because of you."

Blinking at Fitz, Mack knows that he must have a stupid look on his face, but Fitz doesn't comment on it. Instead, he's staring at Mack like he's got all the answers - eyes darting all around his face as if he's terrified that Mack will fall apart.

"But... then, why did you flinch from me like that?"

With a deep breath, Fitz straightens up to his full height and starts to undo the buttons of his shirt. He must see the panic and confusion on Mack's face, smiling softly as he makes to pull the shirt off.

"I need to show you something. It wasn't supposed to be a secret, but there was never a right time... and it just felt good to have something of my own."

* * *

_At the next session, they start working on Fitz's right arm. Again, it's painful, but after what he's suffered over the past year it's nothing. It actually grounds him - the constant hum of the tattoo gun, the dull yet raw throb of his skin. It's like sandpapering a sunburn._

_Slowly, the beginnings of a dahlia take form. After thinking it over, he had decided on the dahlia for Ward. For his deception, because as much as he wanted to forget the pain that Ward had brought to the team - to his life - it was important to remember. He works in more peonies, because as much as Grant Ward had hurt him, there's always room for more healing._

_The rest of his arm reminds him of happier times. Larkspur for Skye - the obvious choice may have been a daisy, but he values his life - thank you very much. Larkspur, though... It means beautiful spirit, levity, and after all she's been through Skye can still smile and laugh with the best of them._

_Coulson's iris was picked for his wisdom and his hope for the future. It's framed by the Queen Anne's lace that he chose to represent his mum. Even from a great distance, she has always been his sanctuary._

_His skin is tender and aching by the time they are finished, but he revels in the feeling of having his family with him._

_Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, Fitz just took it to the next level._

* * *

Their relationship was apparently old news before it could even be deemed a relationship. Bobbi just rolled her eyes, throwing her hands up in the air before yelling 'FINALLY' loud enough to alert the rest of the team. Simmons had smiled warmly at him before shuffling off to the lab. May didn't really have a reaction at all, choosing to continue with her Tai-Chi without so much as a quirked eyebrow.

They decided to forfeit taking it slow. There wasn't much point when they found out that they had been mutually pining after each other since their first meeting. You can't get much slower than that, Fitz had reasoned just days after sharing his tattoos with Mack along with his feelings.

Lying in bed together now, it's all he can do to barely contain himself, to keep his hands from wandering. He tries, though. Doesn't want to scare Fitz off with how needy he is, how clingy he knows he can be. It's lost him relationships in the past, and he doesn't want to ruin this.

"You don't have to pretend that you don't want to touch me, you know. I like it when you do."

Mack can't help but smile as takes Fitz's advice and allows himself to give into his desires.

He had been shocked at first, when Fitz had taken off his shirt to display the tattoos. He wasn't prepared for it, had never expected it of Fitz - but it made a huge amount of sense after he explained it. When Fitz lost control of his body and his words, he fought back to gain control over himself again. Some people go to the gym, others watch their calorie intake or dye their hair. Fitz decided that the best way to take back his control was through tattoos, and so he turned himself into a garden.

It's the most beautiful thing that Mack has ever seen, all stark black lines against Fitz's pale skin, subtle shading adding contrast and texture. His hands itch to trace along the lines, to unravel their secret meanings as he takes Fitz apart. The fact that he's allowed this - allowed to follow the curves of each petal with his tongue, allowed this level of intimacy... it's overwhelming. It doesn't always feel real, but then Fitz will grab his hand, lifting it up to brush a kiss to his knuckles before smiling rakishly at him. It's grounding.

"Who is this one for?"

Gently, he traces along the details of a daffodil, elegant and cheerful-looking all at the same time.

"The daffodil's for Simmons. I thought that it was fitting."

The secret smile that Fitz wears is enough to satisfy his curiosity for now. It's enough that Fitz is sharing himself with Mack, allowing him to marvel over everything that culminates to make his boyfriend. The tattoos, while interesting, don't come close to the rest of Fitz - his sense of humor, his intelligence, and the tender openness of his gaze when he looks at Mack. He loves this man, and he knows that there is no rush to learn the secrets of his tattoos. If he has his way, he'll have the rest of his life to decipher them.

* * *

_He spends a lot of time considering the last tattoo. The placement is just as important as the symbolism._

_His feelings for Mack have never been complicated. He's been enamored with the man since they met, and the friendship that they developed at first was his life-line. Through Mack he came to realize that he wasn't a lesser version of himself, and with Mack's help he started to find ways to put himself together while adapting the entire time. He loves him._

_It's the only tattoo that he gets colored in, and the greens and blues and purples stand out brightly against his pale chest . The artist has inked a bouquet of thistles and hydrangeas over his heart, and it means the world to him because it's Mack, and it's him, and as always they are intertwined._

_His national flower, the thistle, stands for pain, protection, and pride, and it speaks to Fitz on a level he can't put to words. Prickly and hardy, it stands in stark contrast to the delicate blue hydrangea blossoms around it but somehow it all works. Hydrangeas are symbolic for heartfelt feelings and gratitude for being understood._

_One day, when he's ready, he'll explain to Mack what the tattoo over his heart means to him. How it's their tattoo - a visual representation of their love and their friendship. He'll explain why he chose to color it in; how Mack helped him find the color and value to life, how he made his world a more beautiful place. He knows that Mack won't pry, that he'll keep his curiosity in check... it's part of what he loves about Mack. Even though he may ask what a flower is, or who it is for, he doesn't demand further explanation._

_One day he'll teach Mack the special meanings behind each flower, what it might best be used for, and what it means to him._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to respoftw, who requested a story where Fitz has tattoos and it's essentially a secret until Mack finds out. I managed to lose the original prompt like a jerk, but it was amazing and I fell in love with it immediately (such a JERK, omg).
> 
> Title from Comes The Dawn, by Veronica A. Shoffstall.


End file.
